23-year-old woman scolded by entitled mother for not "teaching" young child to swim who was left alone in deep end of swimming pool: 'She told me that it wasn't nice that I wasn't helping her'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 22, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

It takes a village to raise a child, though some people have taken this too literally and have taken it to mean that they need not raise their child themselves, leaving others to do it for them. Or at least that's how it seems with the number of feral children that are allowed to run rampant in public spaces while their parents either sit idly by… or are nowhere to be seen at all. 

Some parents expect bystanders to raise their children for them, demanding a "teachable moment" from the stranger who dares call into question their lack of parenting. That's essentially what was going on in this post where a swimmer shared how this mother had left her child unattended in the deep, "serious" part of the pool where competent swimmers train. When she approached the mother to caution her of her child's danger, she was chided for not teaching the child anything that she "could've helped him and taught him." The swimmer was stunned by this and took to this online community to see whether or not she was wrong for not "teaching" the child.

The reality is that this mother is giving off the same energy as those moms who allow their toddlers and similarly aged children to play in skate parks like they're a playground, completely oblivious to rules or the danger that they might be placing their child in, even picking fights with skaters who they think are getting too close.

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    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to teach a kid how to swim? (23f) go to a swimming pool once or twice a week. It's a way for me to do physical exercise and to take my mind off school or just life in general. The pool that I go to has two pools: one for fun and one for "real" swimming if you see what I mean. The "real" pool has two different sides, one where people swim seriously and one where people learn how to swim. I normally go to the "serious" part.
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    You aren't supposed to stop in the serious one, or to go if you can't swim well because it's pretty deep. (3-4 meters I think). Yesterday, I was swimming as I usually do, and at some point I start doing backstroke. At one point, I feel my hand hitting something, so I turn back to see what it was and I see a kid that was about 6 or 7. I apologize for hitting him because I didn't see him, and tell him that he's not supposed to stop in this lane because other people might hit
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    him too. As I talk to him I notice that he isn't swimming really well and is struggling a lot. I decide to get out of the pool with him and look for his parents. After looking around the pool for a while I find his mother. At this pool, if you're accompanying a child you can get in for free if you don't swim, and that's what the mom did so she wasn't swimming and was waiting while looking on her phone. I told her that she should look after her son because
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    it was pretty dangerous for him to be in such a deep pool when he couldn't swim very well and that he could get hit by swimmers. She looked at me a bit annoyed. She said "it's okay he's just a kid". I told her that I wasn't upset at him, and that I was just concerned for his safety. She told me that if I was so concerned, when I saw a child struggling to swim I could've
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    helped him and taught him. I simply said that it wasn't my role, but she sort of insisted, said that she saw me swimming pretty often and asked that I teach her son. I told her that I wouldn't because 1. I'm not a swimming instructor, I have zero training for this 2. 1 don't want to be responsible for the boy's life, if anything happens it's on me and that's more pressure than I want 3. I'm not getting paid to do that and 4. I come here to relax, not teach kids.
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    She told me that it wasn't nice that I wasn't helping her, because she couldn't teach her son (she can't swim) and I was a good swimmer so it wasn't difficult for me. I know that I could've helped, and maybe at least taught him the basics for like an hour, and a part of me thinks that I should've, but also I had my reasons for refusing. I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person or not... AITA?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a he: I feel kind of bad for refusing to teach him and not helping when maybe I should've
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    • Caspian4136 · 8h ago NTA Where were the lifeguards. during all of this? It's their job to monitor this exact thing.
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    Kaynico 8h ago • • NTA Let the lifeguard/pool do their job. Inform them that an unsupervised minor is struggling to swim, blocking the swim lane, and creating hazards for himself and others. A disappointed kid is better than a dead one mom can get off her phone long enough to learn that lesson without having to watch her kid go through CPR.
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    xcylfai 8h ago • NTA - do not let her guilt you into teaching her son swimming. Apart from the fact you aren't trained? I guarantee anything goes. wrong then you'll be made out to be the reason. If she wants her son to learn how to swim? She can find a qualified and insured instructor!
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    chaenukyun • 8h ago • NTA If it happens again ask if she'd rather you call the police for negligence or when he drowns. She's unbelievably irresponsible, and endangering his life. Also, why should a stranger, a non professional, accept the liability of teaching someone's child to swim?
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    Especially when the parent doesn't appear to care for his safety. She can be as sarcastic and annoyed as she wants, but this is actually ridiculous. It's a serious situation and she's lucky you accidentally hit him and brought him to safety. She should really change her perspective and realize how differently that day could've gone if you didn't swim into her son.
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    Nevermore_Nov... • 8h ago. NTA. Let me get this straight: this mother brought her son to a pool. The son can't swim. The mother can't swim. The mother can't be bothered to pay attention to her son at a pool, where the potential for him to injure himself (or worse) is significant. When you, a stranger, bring this mother her son and explain
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    where he was and why it was a bad idea for him to be there when he cannot swim, this mother decides it's acceptable to suggest that you (again, a stranger who does not work for the pool) teach her son how to swim. If I have that right, then your course is clear. Report her to the pool staff. They're in a much better position to deal with her nonsense than you. Again, just to be clear, you are NTA.
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    LittleFairyOfDeath • 8h ago I refuse to believe this is real. For my sanity
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    crosslace1 • 8h ago. NTA. As you said you are not a swim instructor nor have you advertised yourself as such. If this pool works similarly to the pools I have worked for, they offer swim lessons as a group or even individually. Asking a random person who found your kid struggling in an area of the pool he should not have been in is WILD.
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    Content-Plenty-... • 8h ago • NTA. All your reasons for declining are absolutely sound. You can't just take on the responsibility and especially the liability for someone else's kid while his mom is not paying attention. She basically wants free services from you for no reason.
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    • BoyzMom13 · 8h ago • NTA and REPORT HER TO THE STAFF
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    Carbonation Req... • 8h ago • NTA. She's at a pool. She can go sign up for swimming classes.
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    behonest25 • 8h ago. NTA The mother should have been watching her son and not on her phone. What you said about not being an instructor makes sense these people are trained to teach others and more importantly they are trained if something goes wrong.
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    Spiritual-Bridge... • 8h ago • She was manipulating you so that she could get swim lessons for her son for free. Too bad you didn't cave in! NTA
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